Julia Lanske, the # 1 love coach in the world in 2019 according to the American iDate Awards, gives practical advice on what to be ready for when looking for a husband on the World Wide Web
Meet a millionaire living on the other side of the world? In the age of the Internet, perhaps not so! However, the one who posed as a successful banker, in reality, may turn out to be a loader who still lives with his mother. What other “surprises” lie in wait for you on dating sites, and how to avoid them?
- Fall in love with a married man
He is attractive, smart, witty, and wealthy … In a word, a man of dreams! You fell in love with him even during the correspondence and finally lost your head during a personal meeting. It seems that you are made for each other, if not for one “but” – the stamp in the passport, about which he cowardly kept silent. According to the classics of the genre, he may begin to assure you that nothing has connected him with his wife for a long time, but are you definitely ready to be stuck in the status of a mistress for an indefinite period?
Do not fall in love with a man whose marital status remains a mystery to you. If his status is not indicated in the questionnaire; specify the purpose for which he registered on the site, what kind of relationship he is looking for. If for some reason he hid his status or simply deceived you, pay attention to what time he goes on video communication and when he makes dates. A married man most often has weekends and evenings, and he is unlikely to be able to spend the whole night with you or invite you to his home – rather, he will offer to go to you or rent a hotel room.
- Get into the Casanova network
No, he is not married. And not going to! And in general, people like you, he has a full Internet. Although, of course, he will assure you otherwise. He will probably tell you that you are the only one, the most, and that is exactly what he dreamed of all his life. Maybe this is really so, only in love, as in war, all means are good. And the main thing here is not words, but deeds. You spent a mind-blowing night together, and then he disappeared indefinitely to suddenly appear with a bouquet of flowers and compliments? Caution: there is a risk that it will disappear again, leaving you with a broken heart or growing tummy!
A man who is looking for a relationship without commitment does not seek to get to know you better. He prefers not to waste time on long correspondence but instead wants to see you “live” as soon as possible. At the same time, he makes dates in places where you can establish quick and seemingly natural bodily contact, for example, in a nightclub or at an ice rink. A successful and serious man, on the contrary, will not force things too much. He will strive to get to know you better, he will have many questions – after all, he is not looking for sex for one night, but a woman for life.
- Be left without a wallet
The photo shows a solid and elegant man in a dark blue suit casually drinking Martini on the villa’s veranda. He wrote to you, and your heart skipped a beat: “Is this really the same prince I have been waiting for?” But financial solvency is not even its main advantage. He may seem like the perfect man who understands you perfectly. Envelop you with care and tenderness, anticipate your desires. Perhaps he is younger than you, moreover, significantly, but this does not bother you, because he has already convinced you that he was never interested in peers, it is terribly boring with them. Not like you, a woman, with such a rich inner world. And not only internal! You are already head over heels in love when your chosen one suddenly calls you and, breathless with excitement, reports that he is in trouble, he urgently needs money, and only you can save him. Of course, you without hesitation, make a transfer for around the amount to the specified account, and do not find a place for yourself when, in response to your calls, you hear: “The subscriber is not available.” Don’t worry: most likely, he’s fine. See for yourself by going to the same site where you met after a while.
Pay attention if a man is too worried about your financial situation. He may ask in detail where you live, how you travel, what stores you dress in, where and by whom you work, and even how much you earn. A decent and successful man is unlikely to be interested in your income, at least until your relationship becomes quite serious. At the same time, he can also hide his income, because he fears that women will be attracted by his money, and not by himself. The profiles of wealthy men are often quite stingy; they do not show off cars and houses. Moreover, you should be alerted if a man suddenly invites you to a restaurant and “forgets” his wallet. Be careful! And still, never open a wallet and do not pay for this man, do not make any transfers anywhere on your bank card.
- Run into a sex maniac or sex tourist.
It is still unknown what is worse – to be left without a wallet or to find that a real pervert is hiding behind a good-natured avatar with a cute cat. Unfortunately, this is also possible. If in real life women often meet men through friends or relatives, then in the virtual world we may encounter dark horses encroaching on something more serious than our finances.
At first, the obvious – when going on a date with a stranger, share the link to his profile and phone number with the person you trust: friend, sister, and colleague. Do not agree to a meeting in uncrowned places; do not get into the car with the person whom you see for the first time, use a taxi.
Separately, it should be said about situations when you suddenly find that a man with whom you have been communicating online for a long time and even met several times, suddenly sends you … very intimate photos. “Maniac!” – A decent woman exclaims. And he will be wrong. If you have known each other for several days, you are attracted to each other, and you have already understood for sure that everything is in order with this man, and then most likely he provokes you in this way. Firstly, this is a completely unambiguous hint that he is not averse to getting to know you better. Secondly, the man is interested in how you will react – it can be considered as a kind of test. In no case should you be offended, insult his “dignity”, but you shouldn’t show that you are delighted either. The best thing to do in this situation is to set boundaries and demonstrate a sense of humor. Sending you an intimate photo, the man invites you to “play”. If you do it right, this game can be very exciting and will help you get to know each other even better.
- Severely disappointed
You corresponded for a long time, called each other, and finally met. You were sure he was the one, but when you came face to face with him, the spell dissipated. You understand that you do not like his gestures, gait, smell, he behaves too rudely or, conversely, too delicate. In general, this is definitely not your option. You are deeply disappointed, you feel sorry for the time spent, and in general, it is very unpleasant to part with hopes and illusions.
Learn to “read” a man’s profile and determine what is behind him. If, for example, you live in Moscow and you like a man from a Swiss village, think: would you really want to move in with him? After all, this is a completely different rhythm of life, different culture, and values. If in your profile you see a photo where a man in a ski suit smiles happily against the background of the Alps, honestly admit to yourself: you are afraid of heights, and you can hardly share his passion. Pay attention to age (are you sure that you will be comfortable with someone 30 years older than you?), whether he was married, does he have children (can you surely share him with someone?), To the level of income (does it meet your needs?). Read between the lines: how he describes himself, what phrases he uses, is he verbose or laconic. If it is important to you, so that your companion is an interesting companion, a sophisticated intellectual with whom you can discuss the books of Nobel laureates, do not deceive yourself. You are unlikely to be happy with the taciturn, albeit very successful, Arsenal player without a college degree.
Online dating is a delicate matter that requires some skill and patience. It is easy to succumb to illusions here, to draw an image of an ideal man for yourself and then discover that, alas, he is far from reality. But if you do not give up, be careful; understand what kind of person you are looking for, then sooner or later you will meet your prince. By the way, he will not necessarily have his own castle and title: the main thing is that he will treat you like a real princess!